


The Gang Gets Murdered

by rustedcrimson



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Comedy, Other, fan episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 10:31:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9487325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rustedcrimson/pseuds/rustedcrimson
Summary: The gang gets trapped in Dee's apartment building with a serial killer. But the killer seems to be the least of their worries, since they keep getting taken out by their own clumsy antics.





	

  
  


INT. LATE EVENING, DEE’S APARTMENT

 

The gang is sitting on various pieces of furniture, all pulled into a semi-circle around the TV. The floor is covered in empty food containers, ripped popcorn bags, and crushed cans of beer. The end credits of “American Psycho” are playing on the TV screen, which dimly lights the dark living room in flickering bursts of illumination.

 

DENNIS

I’m just saying, I think it’s a little weird that the killer never gets away with it on TV. It’s an art- there’s so much, finesse, skill- serial killers are brilliant, they’re  _ gifted _ . And they never get away with it- look, I’m not defending murder, I’m not, it’s just weird is all I’m saying. Inaccurate. Frankly, I’d be offended, if I was a serial killer.

 

CHARLIE

But you’re not, right, so-  _ (he shrugs)  _ it’s like- it

doesn’t really matter.

DENNIS

_ (Exasperated, one hand on his face, gesturing with the other) _

No, I know it doesn’t matter I’m just saying-

  
  


MAC scoots across the floor and pops open the DVD player, holding the disc in his hand and glancing back at DENNIS.

 

MAC

It’s my turn to pick the movie next, right? 

 

DENNIS

_ (Motioning towards the now black screen) _

C’mon man, the credits weren’t even over, what, you didn’t like my pick?

MAC

Little creepy man, too many prostitutes anyways. Boobs all up in- I mean- I like boobs I’m just saying, fake ones are, they’re, ya know-

 

DENNIS

Creepy? “American Psycho” is a classic, Mac. A classic.

 

MAC

_ (Shrugging)  _

_ I _ never saw it before. Can’t be that much of a classic.

 

DENNIS

That’s because you have shit taste, dude. Shit taste.

DEE

Mm, I’m with Mac on this one. A little creepy. Also I’m pretty sure you got off during that scene with the axe, and I’m just glad I was on the other side of the couch.

 

DENNIS

Alright, well, you’re a stupid bitch. What about you Frank. You’re with me, right? It’s a classic.

FRANK

Yeah- yeah, sure, I wanna go back to the tits though,  _ (he turns to look at MAC)  _ because a fake tit is still a good tit. I’ll stand by that, feel the same in your hand. Feel real enough to me.

DENNIS

_ (Groaning) _

I don’t know why I bother to share my movies with you when  _ none  _ of you  _ ever  _ never appreciate them, the nuances in dialogue, the filming, the development of- uncultured. You’re all uncultured. Absolutely-

 

He’s interrupted by a shrill scream from above them.

 

DENNIS

_ (Angrily banging on the ceiling with his palm) _

Hey! Excuse me! I am talking! 

 

There’s a loud crash and the ceiling crumbles, spilling drywall across the carpet, and dumping a body- along with a shattered chandelier- into the center of the living room.

ALL

Shit.

  
  


MAIN TITLES 

Title: “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”

Title: “Episode ?????”

Title: “The Gang Gets Murdered”

 

FADE IN:   
INT. STILL DEE’S APARTMENT, MOMENTS LATER 

 

DEE

Is she-

DENNIS

_ (Interrupting sarcastically and rolling his eyes) _

No, she’s just asleep Dee, God, use your head for once you dumb bitch.

 

DEE

Oh, I’m sorry. This is just a little traumatic, you know.

 

DENNIS

You’re such a bitch. Like you’ve never seen a dead body before.

 

DEE

Are you saying you have?

DENNIS

C’mon, we gotta get out of here, the killer’s probably still nearby. I don’t want him catching me near the body.

DEE

Shouldn’t we call the police?

 

DENNIS

Yeah, Dee, let’s do that. Let’s just get all up in this mess, let’s just, involve ourselves. God, you’re such an amatuer. I’m not getting messed up in another man’s business.  _ (He puts his hands up)  _ I’m out of here. He takes care of the body, I take care of my own shit.

 

DEE

I  _ live _ here. My carpet is covered in  _ blood. _

 

DENNIS

You think that asshole’s leaving any evidence here? We’re out for the night, we come back to a scrubbed carpet, fixed ceiling, no sign of body fluids. Free cleaning, Dee. Free cleaning. You think the cops are paying for this damage? Your landlord? You want to pay for a new ceiling, huh?

 

CHARLIE

I’m with Dennis, I wanna get outta here.

 

DEE

Fine, fine, we’ll go. Just let me get my purse.

 

FRANK pulls the door open and stands there stiffly, eyes wide.

CHARLIE

Hey, get outta the way man, what’re you-

 

FRANK leans in close to CHARLIE’S ear.

 

FRANK

Charlie.

 

CHARLIE

Dude- your breath smells like-

FRANK

Charlie he’s out there.

 

CHARLIE

What the fuck are you-

 

FRANK

_ He’s out there. _

 

CHARLIE

Who? The mailman, the fucking pizza guy, I don’t-

 

FRANK

_ The killer, Charlie. The killer. _

 

_ CHARLIE _

Aw, shit. Close the door, maybe he won’t come in.

 

DENNIS

_ (Aggravated, motioning towards the dead woman lying on the floor) _

The body’s in here Charlie, of course he’s coming in here! 

CHARLIE

Oh yeah.

 

DENNIS

How do you know he’s the killer anyways, Frank?

FRANK

Sketchy looking dude.

 

DENNIS

_ (Peeking around the corner) _

Oh my god he’s black. Are you saying he looks sketchy because he’s black? You can’t say that, Frank.

 

FRANK

Nah- nah- he’s not sketchy  _ because  _ he’s black, he’s just sketchy  _ and  _ black.

 

DENNIS

Well, we have no solid evidence it’s him, so I say we just go. We start walking, calm-  _ calm _ . Bitch was poisoned anyways. Killer could be anywhere in the building. 

 

DEE

Poisoned? How do you know that?

 

DENNIS

Oh, come on, no sign of physical injury besides the head wound from the chandelier that broke the floor- terrible floors by the way, Dee, I’d complain about that- the cord was in her hand, so she most likely did that herself, accidentally pulled it down on top of her in a panic-  _ bright  _ red blood, and she reeked of almonds. Cyanide.

 

DEE

Alright, so, sketchy black guy in the hall, sketchy white guy in the room with us- I’m taking my risks with hall guy.

 

She pushes past the others and out into the hall.

CHARLIE

Yeah, hall guy.

 

DENNIS

_ (Only one left in the room, shouting out into the hallway, motioning dramatically) _

C’mon guys, plenty of people know- it’s not that weird to-  _ (He lets out a disgruntled noise and let his arms drop back to his side.)  _ Wait for me!

 

INT. THE HALL. IT’S DIMLY LIT, AND APPEARS ALMOST MENACING

They walk stiffly down the hallway and huddle together in the elevator. 

 

INT. THE ELEVATOR 

 

CHARLIE

Man, why do ya think he killed her?

 

MAC

_ (Shrugging) _

She was probably being a bitch. I bet she deserved it.

 

DEE

She  _ was _ kind of annoying. She tried to talk to me while we were doing laundry, I mean, who does that?

 

CHARLIE

Yeah, and she always talks real loud in her sleep when I come over, that’s annoying.

 

DENNIS

Charlie, you do know that’s not what- she’s having sex. She’s having sex Charlie.

 

CHARLIE

Oh. Yeah that makes a lot more sense I guess.

 

DEE

Y’know, I wanna talk about the fact that during that awful laundry conversation, she told me her boyfriend’s name was John, but,  _ (she turns to  _ DENNIS _ )  _ I heard her screaming  _ your  _ name an awful lot.

 

DENNIS

_ (Shrugging) _

She was hot. Insecure. Her boyfriend really did a number on her self-esteem, made it  _ incredibly  _ easy for me to get whatever I wanted from her. Not an ounce of self respect. Almost too easy, really. Mmm, but she sure knew how to-

 

DEE

_ (Visibly disgusted) _

Alright- shutting that conversation down. Alright, so she was an annoying, bitchy slut.

 

CHARLIE

_ (Looking at the buttons on the elevator pad) _

Hey, any of you guys noticed that we aren’t moving down anymore?

 

MAC

Yeah, I was thinking that. It’s been on “3” for a while now.

 

FRANK

Aw shit, we pissed off her ghost.

DENNIS

Ghosts aren’t real, Frank.

 

CHARLIE

Nah, they definitely are, there’s one at our apartment, we call him “Soft Tom”, he knocks shit over, and sometimes you feel him brush against you and he’s real soft and all.

 

DENNIS

That’s a cat, Charlie. Not a ghost, a cat.

 

CHARLIE

_ (Defensively) _

Could be a ghost cat.

 

DENNIS

_ (Sighing) _

Alright, well, whatever the reason, we’re stuck in this elevator. So let’s just remain calm and-

 

FRANK

C’mon Charlie- let’s climb out through the shaft.

 

CHARLIE

I don’t know Frank that seems a little-

 

FRANK

It’ll be just like all your vents Charlie, c’mon.

 

CHARLIE

_ (Apprehensive) _

Alright, yeah, I guess.

 

FRANK

Get on my shoulders, yep- right, now, pull me up-

 

CHARLIE

Dude, you weigh like, a thousand pounds, I can’t-

 

FRANK

Mac- Mac- hoist me up.

MAC

Shit man, you really are heavy-

FRANK

Alright, alright, I’m up, here Mac, give me your hand and I’ll pull you up.

 

DENNIS

_ (Annoyed) _

Are you guys idiots? You think you’re gonna make it up the shaft? The elevator’s gonna get fixed, and-

 

CHARLIE (O.S)

How long’s the shaft?

 

FRANK (O.S)

Don’t know- shouldn’t have to go too far along the shaft though, just to the next floor.

 

MAC (O.S)

Can you guys stop saying shaft?

 

DENNIS

_ (Exasperated) _

And, they’re gone.

 

DEE

Dumbasses.

 

DENNIS

I know! God- there’s a corpse in this building and they’re crawling around in the elevator shaft- and they thought hall guy was shady. Amateurs. Goddamn amateurs.

 

DEE

Mm, see, but the more you say “amateurs”, the shadier  _ you _ sound.

 

DENNIS

_ (Ignoring her) _

Oh- and we’re moving again. If those assholes had waited just thirty more seconds they wouldn’t have had to crawl up to the fourth floor.

 

INT. FIRST FLOOR, RIGHT OUTSIDE THE ELEVATOR

 

DEE

_ (Stepping out of the elevator) _

Should we wait for them?

DENNIS

Nah- let’s just go.

 

There’s a cacophony of noise and MAC comes rushing down the stairs, covered in dust and oil.

 

MAC

Guys- guys! You’ll never guess what we found in the elevator shaft!

 

FRANK shows up, panting, hunched over.

 

FRANK

Another dead body!

 

DENNIS

_ (Dismissively) _

That’s impossible. It never would have fit in-

 

CHARLIE cuts in, and DENNIS’ jaw visibly tightens.

CHARLIE

Nah- man, it was pretty squished, like- real flat. Probably been there a day or two.

DEE

Great, so we’re dealing with a serial killer.

 

DENNIS

Well- not technically. Three murders makes a serial killer. Not two, and besides- we don’t even know if it was the same killer.

 

FRANK

I’m not taking any chances.  _ (He pushes past everyone and walks towards the door.)  _ Can’t run fast as I used to, getting outta this bitch before things get any worse

 

He tugs on the handles. Then pushes. Nothing happens.

 

FRANK, (CONT’D)

Alright. Charlie- c’mon, we’re hiding in the broom closet.

 

Mac grabs the handles and tugs. 

 

MAC

Man- they’re really locked. Bet I could break the glass though.

 

DENNIS

Don’t-

MAC backs up and runs full force forward, slamming himself against the door. He staggers backwards, slightly stunned, wincing and rubbing his sore shoulder.

 

MAC 

Must be, some kinda real, police grade glass. Otherwise I’d be able to break it.

 

DENNIS

_ (Sighs and gently places a hand on  _ MAC’S  _ shoulder) _

Alright, well, it looks like we’re stuck here. We stay together, we wait it out. Got it? Someone’s bound to call the police, and we’ll be in the clear.

 

CHARLIE

_ (Raises his hand) _

Why can’t  _ we _ call the police again?

 

DENNIS

_ (Points at him and raises his brows) _

Good question, and- Because I say so, and because  _ I _ know what I’m doing. Alright- let’s go hide out in the gym locker-room. Plenty of places to hide, plenty of potential weapons if we need them. 

FRANK

Nah- I’m sticking with the closet idea, Charlie, you in?

 

CHARLIE

Sure man, ‘course I am.

DENNIS

Yes- split up! Fine- goddamnit-  _ (He gestures angrily)  _ That’s what every killer wants! _ (He turns back to the others, exasperated) _ Are you guys with me?

 

DEE

_ (Shrugs) _

Yeah, sure, why not.

 

INT. THE MEN’S LOCKER ROOM IN THE GYM

MAC, DENNIS, and DEE are standing near the entrance.

DENNIS

Alright. Mac- you stay near the door, keep guard, Dee- into one of these lockers. I’ll climb up into the rafters and maintain the element of surprise if necessary. Got it?

 

INT. THE DARK INTERIOR OF A CLOSET IN WHAT’S PRESUMABLY THE BOILER ROOM

 

CHARLIE is looking out through the slits in the door, lined shadows playing upon his face. He crinkles up his nose. 

CHARLIE

Frank what's that smell, did you- shit your pants what the fuck, Frank, aw it stinks in here.

 

FRANK

Charlie- charlie, get your hand off me it feels like a goddamn ice cube.

 

CHARLIE

Dude- I’m not touching you.

 

FRANK

Aw fuck it's another dead one isn't it, goddamnit I knew it. Alright, get in 'is pockets Charlie, we gotta get outta here, but get his cash first, leave the card or the cops’ll get suspicious when they find him.

 

CHARLIE

_ (Shoving the wad of cash into his pocket as  _ FRANK  _ pries open the closet door) _

Alright- well, now where do we go?

 

FRANK

_ (Shrugs) _

Might’as well go meet up with the others.

 

INT. THE MEN’S LOCKER ROOM IN THE GYM AGAIN

 

MAC is gripping the corner of the wall, peering around it.

 

MAC

Yo- Dennis- someone’s coming.  

 

He glances up at Dennis, who is perched precariously on a thin piece of wood, white knuckles wrapped around another inch thick piece of the rafters. He is uncomfortable, but trying very hard to look as if he is not. 

 

DENNIS

Yeah? What do they look like?

 

MAC

_ (Peeking back around the corner) _

Not sure yet. 

 

DEE (O.S, FROM INSIDE THE LOCKER)

Well get back in here, don’t let them see you. If they come in here we’ll deal with them then. 

  
  


MAC shrugs and obliges, sliding into one of the lockers.

 

DENNIS

_ (Quietly) _

Alright. When you see them, I want you to scream, and I’ll jump down and surprise them. Then jump out of the lockers and ambush them. Got it?

 

Before MAC or DEE can agree, FRANK enters the room, and MAC lets out a high pitched scream. DENNIS attempts to make a badass leap down from the rafters, but only succeeds in clumsily falling down and landing on top of FRANK. DEE and MAC race out of the lockers, screaming, and pile on top of CHARLIE as he enters. CHARLIE and FRANK, thinking that the other three are the murderers continue to fight back until they finally realize that they’re just beating each other up. Everything goes quiet for a moment and they all freeze mid-fight.

 

Cut to:

 

INT. THE MEN’S LOCKER ROOM IN THE GYM, A COUPLE MINUTES LATER  

 

The gang is sitting in front of the lockers, covered in bruises, scratches, etc. DEE is holding a wet paper-towel over a cut on her forehead. DENNIS is holding up a hand mirror and lamenting over his bruised, swollen left eye. MAC is eating a granola bar and staring vacantly at the wall in front of them. CHARLIE is picking at one of the scratches on his arm. FRANK is bleeding profusely from a large cut on his neck. This doesn’t seem to phase him. The scene is silent for a moment. Finally, DENNIS speaks up.

 

DENNIS

Well that went poorly.

 

DEE

Yep.

 

MAC

Absolutely.

 

CHARLIE

It was bad. 

 

DENNIS

But you know what- us thinking that each other were the murderers- it got me thinking- what if one of us  _ is  _ the killer?

 

CHARLIE

Yeah- me and Frank already did that when we were in the closet. But we decided that if it was any of us, it was you.

 

DEE

Yeah, I agree.

 

DENNIS

What? Me? Why me?

 

They shrug.

 

CHARLIE

You got that- that weird eye thing going on.  _ (He pries open his eyes with his fingers to demonstrate) _

 

DEE

Yeah- yeah. The serial killer eyes. Ever since we were kids. 

 

DENNIS

Oh, screw you guys. If I  _ had  _ done this, I’d have killed all of you assholes first. And besides, I would never be this sloppy. This is just embarrassing. What the- the body in the elevator shaft, the closet- I mean, really, as if those weren’t going to get found. It’s all been done without any- care, any concern for the art. 

  
  


DEE

See, it’s this kind of weird psycho talk that makes us think you’re the killer.

  
  


DENNIS

Shut up, bird.

 

CHARLIE

Ahhaha she  _ is  _ a bird!

 

DEE

Oh goddamnit!

 

CHARLIE, who is sitting beside FRANK, notices that his eyes are closed, and that he didn’t laugh at the bird thing. Strange. 

 

CHARLIE

Frank. Hey- wake up. You missed a funny joke. 

 

FRANK doesn’t respond, and has presumably passed out from blood loss. 

DENNIS

Alright, well, we can’t carry  _ him  _ around with us, so. Leave him?

 

Everyone agrees. They walk out of the locker room but the camera remains focused on FRANK’S unconscious body, slowly zooming in. 

 

Cut to:

INT. A HALLWAY ON THE SECOND FLOOR

 

DENNIS

Alright, so, our best bet is, again- to stay together. I vote we just keep walking around casually, so if the killer does see us, he won’t know we know, and he’ll leave us alone.

 

CHARLIE

I don’t know man- we aren’t really sure why he’s killing people. I mean, there hasn’t been any connection that we know of between these people. Maybe he just likes killing. 

 

DENNIS

Oh, so you’re an expert now.

 

CHARLIE

I just think-

 

DENNIS

You know what- I don’t care. Get killed all of you, just. Go get killed. Doesn’t matter to me. I’m sticking to the plan. You assholes can do whatever the fuck you want. 

 

He throws his hands up and walks away. MAC, CHARLIE, and DEE walk in the other direction.

 

MAC

Dude- I think we should just call the police.

 

CHARLIE

Yeah. I left my phone in Dee’s apartment though.

MAC

Me too. You think we could sneak in and get them?

CHARLIE

Probably.

 

INT. DEE’S APARTMENT

 

MAC and CHARLIE are rooting around in the piles of junk on the floor looking for their phones. 

 

MAC

Man, why is this place always such a mess. 

 

DEE

Because you and Dennis trash it all the time. 

 

MAC

You should really keep it cleaner, I mean, don’t you have any feminine- sensibilities or whatever? Isn’t that a thing women do, clean?

 

DEE

Alright, asshole, I’m going to ignore that. I’m heading to the bathroom. I ate some weird egg salad earlier, and it is  _ not  _ staying down.  _ (She burps as if to prove her point) _

 

MAC

Ew, gross. Did not need to know that. Whatever. Just spray the febreze when you’re done puking or whatever. 

 

MAC and CHARLIE continue tossing trash around, the dead body casually lying in the background. Suddenly a loud crash is heard from the bathroom. 

 

CHARLIE

What was that?

 

MAC

Sounded like it came from the bathroom.

CHARLIE

You think Dee’s okay?

MAC

How the hell would I know? You wanna check?

 

MAC keeps looking for their phones. CHARLIE opens up the bathroom door. 

 

CHARLIE

Aw, shit. The toilet seat fell on her head. Dude- dude she’s out cold. Shit. 

 

MAC

Well- I found your phone. You wanna just leave her there till the police come?   
  


CHARLIE

Yeah, I guess. Shit man. 

 

INT. A HALLWAY ON THE FIRST FLOOR

 

MAC and CHARLIE are leaning against the wall. 

 

CHARLIE

How long until the police come do you think?

 

MAC

Who knows man, they said like, ten minutes, but like- that’s what the pizza place says and they don’t get here for like, thirty-five.

 

CHARLIE 

Man. Don’t talk about pizza, you’re making me hungry. 

 

MAC

There’s a vending machine on Dee’s floor. You wanna go back up?

 

CHARLIE

Hell yeah. 

 

INT. A HALLWAY ON THE SECOND FLOOR

 

A tiny vending machine sits lonesome in a dimly lit cove in the wall. MAC points to it. 

 

MAC

See, right there. 

 

CHARLIE

Aw, sweet.

 

He begins walking towards it, but before he can get more than a few steps forward, MAC interrupts. 

 

MAC

_ (Cautiously, voice almost a whisper) _

Wait- doesn’t that look like exactly the sort of place a killer would be waiting out? Hang on- let me go check it out, make sure it’s safe, you know. 

 

MAC creeps over towards the machine, trying to be stealthy, but managing to make himself look like a complete ass. He’s about halfway to the machine when he hears a cough from down the hallway and, in a panic, runs towards the window, screaming.

 

MAC

It’s the killer, save yourself Charlie!

 

He leaps out the window, glass shattering all across the hallway. CHARLIE runs over to the window and glances down. MAC is unconscious on the ground, legs in a position that legs should never be in.

CHARLIE

AW, shit. 

 

DENNIS, the source of the cough, walks up behind him.

 

DENNIS

What the hell was that about?

 

CHARLIE

_ (Startled) _

Shit- goddamnit man- you scared the shit out of both of us. 

 

DENNIS

Apparently. 

 

CHARLIE

You think he’s okay?

 

DENNIS

_ (Shrugs) _

I’ve seen him recover from worse.

 

CHARLIE 

Aw, phew. Man, he looks bad though. 

 

DENNIS

Nah, he’ll be fine. 

 

CHARLIE walks back over to the vending machine and slips a dollar in. 

 

CHARLIE

It’s just you and me now man. Everyone else is out cold. 

 

DENNIS

What happened to Dee?

 

CHARLIE

Toilet seat fell on her head. 

 

DENNIS

_ (Laughs)  _

That goddamn bitch. Aw. Man, that’s hilarious. 

 

CHARLIE

_ (Laughing) _

Yeah, it was pretty funny. 

 

CHARLIE reaches into the bottom of the vending machine and we see him struggle for a minute before he pulls out what appears to be a human hand.

 

DENNIS

Is that… a hand?

 

CHARLIE

Yeah, you know what, I think it is. That’s weird. I’m pretty sure I pressed the button for a bag of chips but-

 

DENNIS

I bet there’s a whole body in there. Hey, Charlie, reach up in and see if you can pull anything else out. 

 

CHARLIE

Alright. 

 

CHARLIE leans down and starts rooting around in the machine, until he’s all but inside of it. He starts tugging at the severed arm, and the machine starts rocking back and forth. 

 

DENNIS

You should probably be a little more careful. You’re gonna pull the whole thing down. 

 

CHARLIE

Nah man, it’s cool. I almost got it. 

 

That sentence is followed by an immediate crash as the vending machine topples down on top of him. DENNIS sighs. 

 

DENNIS

Just me now. Idiots. Goddamn idiots.  _ (He spins around and raises his voice) _ Alright! Four murders! I’m impressed. Sloppy, sure, but hey. We’ve all got our own methods. I’m impressed, really, I could never do it.  _ (He begins clapping)  _ Come on out now, game’s over. 

 

A figure in a black mask steps out of the shadows across the hall. 

 

DENNIS

There we go. Yes. Come on over here.

 

The figure stops right in front of him and takes off the mask, letting her long, brunette hair fall down her back. She smiles at him.

 

DENNIS

Oh. You’re- a- a woman. 

 

MURDER WOMAN

Absolutely. I’m a woman, and you’re a  _ very  _ handsome man-

 

She runs her fingers through his hair and leans in, her plump, red lips, inches from his. He-

  
  


Mac’s voice suddenly entered the shot,and it began to dissolve, fading to the five of them sitting in Dee’s apartment. 

“Now hold on- I was willing to play along with some of that other bullshit, I mean, I never would’ve jumped out the window over a little cough, but this is-

Dee rolled her eyes. “Look, when you invited everyone to movie night tonight, we were hoping for an  _ actual  _ movie, not one you  _ wrote. _ ”

Frank nodded. “Yeah- the bitch is right for once.”

“It was full of plot holes,” Dee said, shaking her head. 

“Totally out of character,” Mac chimed in.

“You know- I didn’t ask for criticism,” Dennis said defensively, holding the script to his chest. 

“What’re you gonna do? Kill us?” Dee laughs.

The others join in. 

Dennis sits silently, jaw taut, eyes narrowed. 

 

Laughter can still be heard as the screen begins to fade, the camera zooms in on Dennis’ face. “Hip To Be Square” plays.

 

FADE OUT:

 

END


End file.
